You are drowning and need your husband to help at home.
I mean, let’s face it. You are in quarantine together and time is dragging on and on.
Every day feels like Groundhog’s Day, and you are BEYOND exhausted.
The laundry never stops, someone always needs something to eat, and you’re behind on just about everything!
You need more help around the house and with the kids, but you can’t have anyone in your home, ugh!! Which means you need your husband to help more.
I’ve Tried to Get My Husband to Help
You may have already tried to get your husband to help out, but I am going to guess that it is not going exactly as you would like it to go.
You’re annoyed that you have to remind him to help, he doesn’t do things that he says that he will do, and you don’t understand why he doesn’t just see the 8 coffee mugs lying around the house that need to go in the dishwasher.
Am I right?
Men Don’t Help for Specific Reasons
The truth is that many men don’t help for very simple reasons. If we learn how to ask for help, create a plan, let go, and then appreciate their assistance, they are more willing to help. I know, I know. You don’t want to thank him for doing what he should do, but you are both working hard and you BOTH need to feel appreciated.
If you’re currently struggling to get on the same page with managing the house and your kids, read my 6 simple tips below. Put them in action daily and soon enough, you and your husband will be in a groove at home, which will make everyone feel happier and more at ease!!!
- Ask for Help – Asking for help may seem simple or obvious, but many women do not DIRECTLY ask for help. Instead, women want/expect their husbands to know what to do or read their minds. Unfortunately, he is NOT a mind reader. If you need help, you need to be DIRECT and ask for it. EXAMPLE: Please fold the laundry tonight before we go to bed.
- Divide and Conquer – As soon as possible, sit down with a list of tasks and chores, and divide them up between you and your husband. When you assign specific tasks, you take the guesswork out of the day, which will decrease resentment and improve flow in the household. EXAMPLE: Maybe your husband handles breakfast while you make beds and get school work ready for the day. He tackles bath, while you clean up dinner.
- Plan Ahead – Before you go to bed at night, discuss the upcoming day. Talk about needs, expectations, and the help you need (BE SPECIFIC). When you are on the same page going into the new day, you will get the help (and breaks) that you desperately need. EXAMPLE: Tomorrow I need to run to the store, can you watch the kids for an hour in the morning.
- Let Go of Control – If you want help, you have to ask for help and then let go. If you are critical of your husband when he is handling a task or chore, he will withdraw, give up, and/or disengage. If you ask for help and he agrees to do it, then you need to let him do it his way. EXAMPLE: Your husband may bathe the kids different from you, he may wash the dishes in a different sequence, or he may take longer to grocery shop.
- Give a Timeline – If you need something done by a specific day or time, tell your husband. Men will often say, “Yes” when asked to complete a task or chore, but finish it in their own time, which leads to many arguments between couples. If you have a time frame in mind, communicate these details upfront so your husband knows your expectations. He may wait until the final hours before completing it, but I bet he will get it done. EXAMPLE: Can you please sweep out the garage by the end of the weekend?
- Thank Each Other Daily – You and your husband are both working VERY hard right now, and at the end of a long day, you BOTH need to feel appreciated. Make a habit out of thanking and appreciating each other daily. When you praise, instead of criticizing, you get more of the behavior you want, meaning your husband will be more willing to step up the next day in new ways. EXAMPLE: I appreciate you taking the kids outside today so that I could have a break.
QUICK RECAP: It is possible to get your husband to help out more around the house, you just have to start asking, be clear about what you need, make a plan, let him do it his way, and thank him for his help (just as you expect him to thank you for all that you do for the family!)