If your marriage has been struggling since having kids, you are not alone.

Marriage after having kids is tough! 

Coping with the day to day chaos of marriage and motherhood is a lot.

On any given day, both you and your husband can feel over-tired, over-worked, and under-appreciated. 

You’re lonely but avoid intimacy.

You long for connection and communication with your husband, but ultimately choose to watch HGTV or Bravo before passing out.

You talk about how you would love to go out for a night of careless fun but dread the inevitable 6 AM wake up call.

PARENTHOOD IS DRAINING

Add to that the stress that comes with all the other joys of parenthood like sleep training, potty training, sleep regressions, school demands, play dates, birthday parties, soccer, dance classes, music, and everything else that comes with parenthood.

I’m exhausted just writing about it!

FEELING UNHAPPY IN YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER KIDS IS NORMAL

The truth is that 70% of couples experience a decline in marital satisfaction after a baby is born.

And while you may see a lot of happy family photos on Instagram with captions like #blessed and #moreinlovethanever, that is not the reality. 

Sure there are happy times with your husband and children, but there are also stressful times, frustrating times, and overwhelming moments.

There are days when you yell more than you would like to admit, days you want to pull the covers up over your head and sleep the day away, and days that you wish your husband were someone else (EEK!)

Don’t worry; these thoughts and feelings do not mean that your marriage is doomed! 

It is okay to feel this way. 

It is okay to be struggling in motherhood. 

It is okay to be struggling in your marriage.

It doesn’t feel good. You don’t want it to remain this way, but it doesn’t mean that that something is wrong with you, your marriage, or the life you are living.

You just need a little help getting things back on track.

HOW TO START GETTING YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER KIDS BACK ON TRACK

To start repairing your marriage and rekindling the love you once felt towards your husband, you need to put in some effort.

Your marriage is not going to repair itself. You have to make some changes, try new things, and realize that the love you once had with your husband has evolved and needs some attention. 

But how?, you may ask…

Where do I start??

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER KIDS

You start small.

The biggest tip I can give you when it comes to rekindling romance after having a family is to focus on the little moments.

Putting in a little effort every day with your husband will lead to significant changes in your relationship.

Too often, I see couples wait for big romantic date nights or weekend getaways, but it is really the small moments and thoughtful gestures that “add coins into the bank account” that we always hear people talking about.

MAKE EACH OTHER FEEL LOVED DAILY

When you make your husband feel loved in small ways every day (and he does the same for you), you will begin to feel more connected. You will function better as a couple. You will be more affectionate with one another, speak kindly to each other, and feel more open to sex and intimacy.

If you hold out, if you wait for your husband to be kind or loving first, if you wait to find the perfect babysitter, or you wait for your kids to “grow out of this phase,” it will never get better.

Small gestures are the key to weathering the marriage after kids storm.5 Love Languages Exercise – Dr. Meredith Hansen

So what kind of small gestures am I referring to?

Knowing what makes your husband feel loved will create the most significant impact. If you do not know what makes him feel loved, ask him. If he can’t answer, sit down together and take the 5 Love Languages Quiz.

Once you’ve taken the quiz together, download my 5 Love Languages Exercise and start getting clear on what makes each of you feel loved.

5 Love Languages Exercise - Dr. Meredith Hansen

The trick here is to give each other the answer. No more waiting for your husband to read your mind. No more wishing he would bring you home a flower. No more hoping he’ll make the first move. No more praying for the stars to align.

Instead, take action. Take the quiz, work through the exercise together, and let each other know how to increase the feeling of love in your marriage.

THE BREAKDOWN: It is normal to feel less satisfied in your marriage after having kids, but it doesn’t have to stay this way. Small efforts will make the most significant difference in your relationship during this challenging phase in life. Tonight, carve out 10 minutes and complete the 5 Love Languages Exercise. Aim to make one small, loving gesture daily at home to begin repairing, strengthening, and enhancing your marriage!