Are You Tired Of Fighting?

  • Do you feel like you keep having the same argument again and again?
  • Have you tried to repair things only to feel like you’re right back where you started?
  • Do you want to enjoy your marriage and make it last?

Counseling can help. I can help.

Marriages Are Often Tested With Difficult Times

It isn’t always easy being married. As much as we love someone, there can be times in a relationship where that love is put to the test. From dealing with demanding jobs, financial stress, infidelity, challenges with children, in-law issues and so on, it can all take a toll on a relationship.

Over time, the love we once felt for our spouse, the reason we fell in love with them and decided to marry them, can be clouded by hurt, disappointment, damaging words during an argument, and distance. Our passion, desire to be there for one another, and the sense of closeness we once felt can diminish.

It doesn’t have to stay that way. You can repair the hurt, rekindle the love, and improve your relationship with expert support during marriage therapy.

Marriage Therapy Can Help You And Your Partner Fortify Your Bond

joyful couple holding each other with their foreheads pressed against each otherYour marriage is the most important relationship in your life. When you and your spouse are happy and connected, your whole family benefits. Married individuals are happier, healthier, and more financially secure. And the children of married couples tend to be more confident, less anxious, have better relationships with friends and romantic partners, and are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.

The reason is that when we love and feel loved, we feel a sense of safety and security in the world. When you and your spouse are on the same page, connected, and enjoying one another, you are more likely to reach goals, support each other in taking on new challenges, and enjoy life more.

Unfortunately, we are not taught how to be married in school. Most of us just do what our parents did, and that isn’t always the best method.

The good news is that there are practical, effective methods for repairing and strengthening your marriage.

Marriage counseling will:

  • Teach you effective communication tools
  • Help you understand your own needs and your partner’s needs
  • Repair wounds from past hurts
  • Learn how to turn towards one another in times of stress
  • Increase your emotional and physical connection

Case Study: Marriage Therapy Showed Beth And Ben How To Positively Communicate With Each Other

Beth and Ben entered marriage counseling on the verge of divorce. They both reported feel alone and during our first few months of meeting, they could hardly look at one another. Over the course of counseling, Beth and Ben learned more and more about how they had hurt one another.

Both of them came from emotionally neglectful childhoods and they often interpreted their partner’s behaviors as dismissive. The pain they experienced when those emotions were triggered was too much to bear and they would lash out at one another resulting in a large argument.

couple smiling at each otherWith two small children in the home, they knew they wanted to make their relationship last and stop the fighting, but they didn’t know how to repair the pain.

Beth and Ben worked very hard to learn more about themselves and observe their own reactions. As they focused on own pain, they were able to identify the emotions that were being triggered by their partner and then choose how they wanted to respond. Rather than being reactive and blowing up at their spouse, they shared how they were hurting, listened to and trusted their partner’s response and found healthy ways of working through their relationship problems.

Over time, they began to feel closer to one another, trusted one another more, and enjoyed the relationship more. In turn, their children also benefitted. As Mom and Dad began repairing, there was less anger and hostility in the house and the children’s behaviors began to improve. Their kids saw Mom and Dad work through disagreements in a healthy way, which decreased the talking back and bickering with each other.

Today Ben and Beth are in a sound relationship. They are able to turn towards one another, take breaks during an argument in a healthy way, come back together to take responsibility for their side of the fight, and move forward. Their efforts not only benefit their own well-being, but the well-being of their children as well.

You and may be interested in marriage therapy, but you still have some questions and concerns…

I want to get relationship counseling, but my spouse doesn’t. What do I do?

While it is helpful to have both partners involved in counseling, it is possible to change a relationship with only the participation of one partner. I have worked with many individuals and created change in a relationship by working on shifting patterns, dynamics, and systems at home.

If your partner is on the fence, it can be helpful to get them to meet together for one session to see how it feels. Sometimes taking that first step is the hardest and once they connect with the therapist face to face, it feels more comfortable.

We’ve been to counseling before and it hasn’t worked. How will this be different?

This can be very common and there can be many reasons why it doesn’t work one time and works another time. Sometimes the “fit” of the therapist can make a difference. It is important that both you and your spouse feel comfortable with the therapist you choose. Other times couples enter treatment to address a specific issue, like a current fight, and don’t address the underlying dynamics in the relationship.

Couples therapy is most effective when you commit to working on the relationship as a whole, not just a specific issue. Lastly, sometimes it is all about timing. Some couples enter treatment and are not really ready to do the work. They may be trying to please their partner, time or money can be an issue, or they just aren’t in the head space to dig in yet. If that is the case, it’s always important to give it another try.

We’re ready to fix our relationship. How do we get started?

Getting started is simple. Just EMAIL or CALL ME and we will find a time that works for all of our schedules. I also offer a complimentary 15 minute phone consultation to address any questions or concerns.