All relationships ebb and flow. Sometimes couples can be completely aligned and emotionally in tune with one another, and other times a great deal of distance can exist between them.

This natural rhythm of distance and closeness is not something to worry about if you’re usually able to recognize the pattern and work through it.  But if you and your spouse are not able to quickly identify the distance and find ways to reconnect, you may eventually end up feeling more like roommates or co-parents than passionate lovers.

Use the list below to determine if there may be too much distance between you and your honey.


  • You can’t remember the last time you passionately kissed your spouse
  • The kids regularly sleep in bed with you
  • Your last one on one date with your partner was more than 6 months ago
  • Weekends are all about chores and to do lists rather than laughter, play, and sex
  • Sleep feels more important than listening to your spouse talk about a difficult day
  • Sex is something that happens only on your anniversary and special occasions
  • Foreplay is no longer part of your sex life
  • You’d rather go to lunch with friends on a Saturday then do something with your partner
  • Wearing sweats and socks to bed is a regular habit
  • You spend more time at night with your TV/cell phone/iPad/laptop than with your spouse
  • You don’t mind getting home late from work
  • The longest conversation you and your spouse have had lately has been about money
  • It feels like too much effort to look good for your spouse
  • You think candles are just for birthday cakes
  • Laughter and play in your relationship has seriously dwindled
  • Daily interaction has to do with chores, to do lists, carpool, and money
  • It feels like the thrill in your marriage is gone
  • The last adventurous activity you tried together was on your honeymoon
  • You and your spouse are two ships passing between soccer practice, homework, music lessons, school, and work
  • Saying “I love you” feels more like habit than a powerful phrase

If this list sounds too familiar, it’s time to focus on reconnecting and boosting the romance in your marriage.  Make sure you tune in next week for some simple ways to increase the intimacy in your relationship.