Psychologist, Relationship Expert, Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Newlyed Counseling, & Marriage Counseling, in Newport Beach, CA By Dr. Meredith Hansen
‘Tis the season to begin thinking about your New Year’s Resolutions.
As important as it is to identify personal resolutions, it is also important to think about relationship resolutions. Below are a few tips to help you and your honey get on this same page in 2013.
- Set a time to sit down together or go for a long walk. Begin by acknowledging the positives aspects of your relationship.
- Next focus on areas for growth, not necessarily change. Pinpoint
One key to a lasting, healthy relationship is to put effort into it daily. Most people believe that they need a romantic getaway or an expensive dinner to get the passion back, but the truth is small efforts make all the difference.
If you’ve been feeling a little distant from your partner lately or you want your relationship to remain healthy and satisfying, implement at least one item from the list below every day and your relationship will thrive.
All relationships ebb and flow. Sometimes couples can be completely aligned and emotionally in tune with one another, and other times a great deal of distance can exist between them.
This natural rhythm of distance and closeness is not something to worry about if you’re usually able to recognize the pattern and work through it. But if you and your spouse are not able to quickly identify the distance and find ways to reconnect, you may eventually end up feeling more like roommates or co-parents than passionate lovers.
Use the list below to determine if there may be too much distance between you and your honey.
THERE MAY BE TOO MUCH DISTANCE IN YOUR MARRIAGE IF:
This is probably the most common question I hear from the clients I work with (“Can my marriage be saved?”). Afraid, frustrated, disappointed, and scared, couples enter my office looking for answers and a solution. Paralyzed and disappointed, they report attempts to get the relationship back on track. They share feelings of helplessness, exhaustion, and overwhelm. They doubt that the bond they once shared can be repaired and they begin to flirt with the idea of divorce.
In my experience, most couples do not enter their marriage thinking about divorce. Engaged couples I see for premarital counseling almost always state that “divorce is not an option.” However, as time passes and life becomes more complicated, resentments can build and couples often begin to experience emotional distance in their relationship. Perpetual arguments dominate their interactions (“You never do anything around here.” “All you do is nag me.” “You left your clothes on the floor.”), and soon it can feel like nothing will get better, nothing will change.
If this sounds familiar to you, you’re
When was the last time you kissed your spouse? I mean really closed your eyes and passionately kissed?
As we grow more and more comfortable in a relationship, we sometimes begin to let go of the sweet, small gestures that keep a marriage close and strong. Seemingly irrelevant behaviors like passionately kissing your spouse before bed or texting “I love you” mid-afternoon can be pushed aside as you focus on work projects, caring for the children, or making it to the gym. We often take the one we’re with for granted and before you know it, you and your spouse co-exist in your home and experience a decline in passion and desire for one another.
The good news is most couples can reverse this pattern. Keep in mind that it is normal to fall into a rut or get caught up in your day to day routine, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. You can revive your relationship, reignite the passion, and enjoy living with your spouse, rather than co-existing.
Below are 5 simple steps to help
Married life can be filled with ups and downs. Whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for years, there will definitely be times in your relationship when you feel frustrated, sad, angry, annoyed, or irritable. Sometimes a simple chore like taking out the trash can push you over the edge, and other times a more serious issue, like a forgotten anniversary, can cause you to question everything.
On the flip side, there will also be times in your marriage when you feel completely in love, bonded, connected, secure, and happy. Moments of thoughtfulness, playfulness, exploration, discovery, and quiet time together can make you feel like you’re on top of the world. There is nothing better than feeling loved, like everything in your relationship is just clicking.
Serious problems arise in a marriage, however, when a couple gets stuck in a down-swing, unable to shift into a better place. Often unaware that it’s natural for all relationships to ebb and flow, some couples become paralyzed when their relationship isn’t working or fighting occurs. Clinging to maintain their foot hold or strength, they argue and fight, resist “giving in,” won’t back down, and push their partner away, which eventually
Have you ever thought about the way you start a conversation with your partner?
If you want to be able to effectively discuss and work through an issue or problem in your relationship, it is essential that you learn how to use a “soft start up” when initiating a conversation.
Researchers have found that couples who begin conversations using a soft start up are more satisfied in their relationship and are more likely to remain married.
Want to know the details of a soft start up?
Learning that your partner has been unfaithful can be an extremely painful and confusing time.
Your world may feel like it is spinning in chaos. What you once believed to be true and trusted in, is no longer the same. Your partner betrayed you, and you are likely unsure about how you want to proceed or what you want out of your relationship.
The feelings you are having right now are normal. During this painful time it is important to remember that you don’t have to decide anything right away. It is also important to keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to get through this.
